Too many eggs, and special friends...

Rick loves to watch the Today show.

It's how he gets his news.

I think he thinks Matt Lauer is awesomesauce.

Anyway, I digress...

Rick was watching today, well, today, and he saw a little blurb about the Duggar family. Aparently, they are expecting #20.

I will refrain from making comments about the intergrity of Michelle's uterus.

At any rate, Rick was sitting there, looking perplexed.

Now, you must understand, before I go any further, that until last week, Rick was certain that babies came out of your belly button.

I have since set him straight.

Much to his horror.

So, he is watching the Duggar family make their joyous announcement, and turns to me and says: "Wow, she sure must have a lot of eggs!!! Aren't you GLAD that you only had THREE eggs mom?!"

Yes, yes I am.

But before I could respond, and explain that women all have LOTS of eggs, he had moved onto working out how to get his shoes on without having to untie them.

I think I will let him continue to believe that Michelle Duggar does, indeed, have an over abundance of eggs...

And now, onto other news...

Not really news actually, just my observation of my "special" friend. We will call her J-me.

She isn't special in that way...I'm hetero thank you.

She is special in that she does things in public that make me look normal.

And that is why I love her.

So, today, J-me and I decided to go have a healthy breakfast together at McDonald's.

Yes...I got oatmeal. Healthiest thing on the menu...I think.

We enjoyed our meal and headed to the car to leave. As we were getting in the car, a woman was heading into the drive through, however, another car was "cutting" in line and this woman was NOT amused. She began yelling "F-ing move it!!!" then she said "JUST F-ING MOVE!!!"

I'm fairly certain that she had no clue that we were privy to her horrible behavior, but J-me was determined not to let her get away with that sort of profanity.

So, my dear friend, weirdo that she is, yells "you mean like THIS!!??" and starts moving her hips like forrest Gump...really.

I tried to escape, but I'm far too large to fit under my car.

So there I was, stuck between profanity lady and my gyrating friend...I was mortified.

I am so thankful for the people in my life that make me laugh.

So, be sure to hug any "special" friends you may have in your life.

They are a blessing...

A funny Rick Pic...

Some days Rick says nothing funny.

At least not in the morning when I will have time to blog about it. Sometimes the funny only happens at night.

And since blogging on my smart phone is a pain in the rear of epic proportions, and since we don't have internet at home and I have to be a sneaky-McSneakerson and blog at work...you guys have to wait for the funny to happen too.

But some days, Rick lets me take funny pictures of him.

And sometimes, those are funnier than the things he says.

This is one of those days.

I was cleaning out the pictures in my phone, because I often take pictures of random things I will only need to use to illustrate a point.

Often, the images stored on my phone are of no significance to anyone once I've shown them to the person they were intended for.

So, on occasion, I have to purge my phone of the insignificant photos...and today is that day.

But, what I found when I started deleting was awesomesauce.

(that is SO a word...don't argue.)

I found this picture...
This is a picture of my Rick...asking for a kiss before I head to the store.



How can a mother resist that face!

How can a mother resist the urge to start rapidly rolling the window up and down in order to make his nose dance?

(well, I couldn't resist...so I did it.)

Anyway...enjoy your Rick Pic.

Hopefully the funny will happen later today...

Halloweenie

Ahhh, Halloween.







That magical time of year when we get to dress up as something other than what we really are and take candy from total strangers.







I'm pretty sure this holiday was made for people like Rick.







He loves it.







He also loves discussing inappropriate things with his mother.







Like hair.







Body hair.







really.







So, on Halloween morning, I decided it would be fun for Rick to wear his jack-o-lantern boxer shorts. I mean, theme underwear are awesome right?







So, I'm assisting Rick with dressing. A skill I am desperately trying to teach him.







Don't get me wrong, he can dress himself. But he is likely to come away with his head through the sleeve hole, his jeans un-zipped and an extremely distressed look on his face.







It's just easier if I do it.







So I tell him "Rick! Come here and put on your nifty jack-o-lantern boxers! It's Halloween!!!"







Rick says: " HAHAHAHA! I will have a halloweenie!"







Me: *facepalm* "I guess you will!"

Rick: "Guess what mom..."

Me: "What rick"

Rick: "I'm a MAN now."

Me: "why"

Rick: "Because I'm getting PIT HAIR!!"

Me: "no you aren't!!"

Rick: "yes I am...wanna see? Oh, and hey, do I have a moustache yet?"

(at this point he is leaning over to put his lip in my eyeball.)

Me: "no rick...you aren't."

Rick: "Bummer."

And if you think Halloween morning was grand, you should have seen what happened when his pants fell down around his ankles during trick-or-treating and he yelled:

"I JUST SHOWED EVERYONE MY HALLOWEENIE!!!!!"

*sigh*

Smell my pit...

Today started out like any other day in our home.

I got up, stumbled to the kitchen, poured myself a cup of ambition....oh wait.

That's another story...

I got up, got coffee and mopped up the puddles that the old, incontinent dog left me.

(the poor thing....we should euthanize him.)

As usual...I heaved my enormous backside up the narrow stairs of doom, (I call them this because of all of the hotwheels and train tracks that litter them)

I went in and woke up sister with my sing-song voice.

What I think I sounded like: "Awaken dear daughter and greet the morn with your lovely visage!"

What I probably, really sounded like: "Sis! Get up! I'm running late!!! Stupid snooze button!..."

Then I headed into ricks room. Now, this takes some time as he has created an anti-mom barricade outside of his door. So, after I dodged the thomas trains, scaled the train table and managed to avoid the lego mine field, I entered his room to see this:

To explain, that is a really bad illustration of rick's room, his race car bed, and him...completely covered by his blanket. He is a blue lump.

So, I said to him: "Rick! It's time to get up for school!!! It's tessera day!!! Yay!!!"

And he says: "smell my pit."

I say: "um, I will not smell your pit"

He says: "Smell my pit."

I say: "no, I will not smell your pit. That is gross."

He says: "If you want me to get up and ready for school, you will smell my pit."

Now, here I am left with a quandary.

Do I smell the pit?

Do I walk away?

Do I pour a bucket of cold water on him?

I choose the mom-of-the-year route:

" Sister didn't make me smell her pit, and I'm not smelling your pit. Get up before I have the dog come sit on your head."

His response?

A large, explosive, loud, make-any-frat-boy-cry-in-shame fart.

Welcome to mornings with Rick...

I need more coffee...

Rick on chores...

Chores are the bane of Rick's existence.

He does not like them, Sam I am.

Here are Rick's thoughts on chores:

• " I hate picking up dog poop." (which he does not have to do)




• " I hate picking up cat poop." (he also never has to do this)




• " If mom tells me to clean my room, I just go make a bigger mess. I am a baaad boy." (I'm certain he does this)




• "Filth is my habitat." (oh boy...)

I need to assure you all that we are not drowning in animal feces or filth. No need to dial CPS...

I guess I need to start explaining how cleanliness is next to Godliness though...